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The Easter
Parade ..... a Glesca
story
The Easter Parade! Naw no the wan wae the
wimmin aw done up in thir finery an easter
bunnets innat, struttin elegantly in the warm
spring sunshine. Ah'm talkin aboot the BB
Parade! Ye know? The Boy's
Brigade.
Still
gaun strong it is but no as strong as it wis
then. The idea behine the BB wis tae gie the
backstreet boays sumhin constructive tae dae
wae thir time ither thin hingin aboot street
coarners innat. Teach them some discipline,
self respect, morals and fortitude - innat.
It mimicked the army bae gein the lads a
'military' style uniform and teachin them
skills like merchin (marching) an salutin an
how tae communicate wae wan inither usin flags
an morse code. Aw essential street skills furr
the Glesca streets! It wis based oan the
assumption thit aw boays secretly wanted tae
be sojers. [In the early days they even issued
the boys with widddin (wooden) rifles!] But
bae the time mah brother an me wurr jined up,
two world wars an the threat of nuclear
oblivion hid noaked that notion right oot wirr
heids! The only sojers we wirr interestit in
wirr the wee plastic wans thit wae wid play
wae oan eh flerr (floor), urr wans made a
choaclit (chocolate).
The
uniform consisted of a BB belt (broad leather
belt wae a big brass buckle wae an anchor
motif), a pill boax cap (thit looked lik an
upturned floo-er poat (flowerpot)), an a white
canvas 'haversack' furr ceremonial occasions.
An armband sported whitever merit badges urr
awards ye might hiv an also displayed any
stripes ye hid earned tae show yer 'rank'. Aw
in aw it wis a kinna junior 'Dad's Army'.
When
aw lined up ye presented a motley crew. The
belt wid be strapped tight, roon yer waist, an
ower yir jaiket/anorak/pullover, the
ceremonial haversack wis slung ower yir
shooder an goat stuffed unner the belt tae wan
side, an wae the hat worn at a jaunty angle -
We wir the boays!
Anywae, Easter wis aye the big event. We'd aw
be warned bae the Captain oan the Friday night
that if wae didnae turn up fur the big easter
church parade that Sunday then woe betide us.
We wid be excluded fae future gemmes a fitbaw.
We'd lose attendance points (that meant nae
prize at the end eh the season - usually a
book or bible). Oor parents wid be spoken tae,
an we might even be de-moted, assumin we'd
been moted in the furst place! Ther wid be a
weepin an a gnashin of teeth the like of whit
hid never bin seen afore if wae daert miss the
Easter Parade!
So
wae aw trooped oot oan Easter Sunday moarnin.
Intae the Glesca wind an the rain. The
getherin point wid be aboot a mile fae the
church an we'd aw mill aboot freezin an grumpy
an wantin tae get it ower wae an get back hame
tae wurr Easter egg(s).
Ah used tae see these BB magazines showin
pictures eh wir foreign BB counterparts in
distant lands ie. Africa, Australia - hot, dry
places. All grinning an lookin like they wir
luvvin evry minnit eh it!
Us? We wir staunin in a huddle, in the middle
eh a street, maest eh us in shoart troosers
wae berr legs, shiverin, soaked, freezin,
shiverin an wunnerin if aw this wis worth a
gemme a fitba an a book/bible at the end eh
the year. Did ah mention eh shiverin?
The
assembly process seemed tae take furrevir! Big
parades lik this attractit other BB companies
fae aroon Glesca an it took ages furr them tae
aw arrive an soart thimsells oot.
Wae wid be lined up, shoogled aboot, merched
doon the street a few hunner yerds, turned
roon aboot, shunted sidewaes, marched
backwards, shuffled sidiewaes again... oan and
oan it went, while the rain battered doon,
wirr feet squelched and the belt buckles
rattled fae oor shiverin.
"COMPANY!
FALL IN!"
Oor Captain wid shout at the tap eh eez voice,
strugglin tae bae heard ower the sound eh the
wind, chatter, an eejits blawin bugles an
batterin drums in tenement closes. We'd aw
shuffle aboot tryin tae organise oorsels intae
somethin military lookin.
"TALLEST
TO THE LEFT , SHORTEST TO THE RIGHT, SINGLE
RANK - SIZE!!!" he wid scream.
Maist eh us didnae know oor left fae oor
right, an as furr whit size we wurr? So wae
jist shuffled aboot some merr an hoped furr
the best.
A
couple of officers wid wade in an grab the
tallest guy an manouvre him intae pole
position. Then they'd manhandle the rest eh us
intae a line wae the wee-ist at the other end.
This done, the Captain wid kerry oot the
inspection, slowly struttin alang the line.
This guy aye seemed impervious tae the
weather. Mine you the big trench coat doon tae
the ankles must hiv helped a loat. He seemed
tae sort a 'glide' past ye as if eh wis oan
castors. An the umbrella wis a positive asset.
An a couldnae help bit noticin thit eez shoes
didnae squelch like mine did!
"DID
YOU POLISH THAT BELT BUCKLE LAST NIGHT
WILSON?" he'd scream at mah face.
"Yes Sir!" I'd retort in a spray of rainwater
as it run aff mah nose, doon oan tae mah lips
an dribbled aff mah chin.
"IT
DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT FROM HERE!"
It was hard to believe that oan any ither day
eh the week yid find this nonentity filin
invoices in an obscure oaffice sumwher. He
clearly loved this stuff.
Ah used tae envy the boays in the bonn (band).
That fly lot wirr usually aff tae the side, in
the shelter a shoap doorways an closes, 'tunin
thir instruments'(that meant bangin the drums
occasionally and blawin a tuneless blast fae a
bugle.
As
the various companies arrived and the
battallion of Glesca's fine young fightin men
grew, evrybiddy wis oot thir windaes watchin,
admirin, cheerin, jeerin, an...dry!
Ah wance tried tae get intae the band but ah
couldnae evir get a noise oot the bugle let
alane a note.
"Blaw harder!" the instructor wid say, an ah'd
blaw tae mah face turnt purple - nothin!
"Purse yer lips and spit." eh wid say.
So ah'd gie it mah best shot. A big green glob
wid shoot silently fae the open end eh the
bugle, much tae the disgust of aw aroon! So ah
gave up oan that. Mah Grandaddy Wilson,
Salvation Armiest, bugle player an band
leader, widnae hiv been impressed wae meh at
aw!
Ah
hid a wee bit merr success wae the drums
though. Managed tae batter oot mah
'mammy-daddys', 'rolls' an some other stuff
that ah cannae mine the name ah (two-sixes,
nine-threes, parradiddles - urr sumhin lik
that). Bit when it came tae playin durin band
practice in the in the church hall oan cauld
Setturday moarnins, mah fingers froze up an
refused tae co-operate. So mah dreams ah
becomin the nixt Eric Delaney [google it!]wir
shattered an ah hid tae accept thit the band
wisnae furr me. Ah wis relagatit tae the rank
an file, wan eh 'le miserables', at the church
parades.
Meanwhile
back oan the street, things wid eventually
begin tae take some kinna shape. A long column
of wet, sniffin, scruffy Glesca youth wid form
thimsells intae sumhin resemblin a bedraggled
army of refugees returnin fae the front.
The moarnin wid be brightened up wae the
arrival eh the Girl Guides. They wirr the
female equivalent eh the BB. Ah don't know if
aw these lasses wanted tae be sojers but thae
sure looked better than us, in thir blue
uniforms an stuff. Big Deirdre wis a firm
favourite. Big lassie wis D. The weather never
seemed tae bother hurr. She wis a 'Colour
Bearer' furr the local troop. The reason furr
this wis thit she wis the only lassie big
enough, an strong enough, tae kerry the flag!
Bae
the time the whole thing goat underwae maist
eh us wirr oan the verge a hypothermia. Oor
bonn wid bae merched intae position, the order
given, an we'd aw start movin furrit
(forward). It wis supposed tae be merchin, but
'movin' wis aboot as accurate a description as
yir likely tae get. Jist as ye startit tae get
intae a bit eh a stride an yir circulation
goat gaun, the guys in front eh ye wid stoap
deid. That meant ye ploughed right intae thir
heels! They wid turn an gie ye a moothfull, to
whit ye wid be jist aboot tae return the
sentiment when the folk behind collided intae
you! A squabble wid ensue. Unrest in the ranks
wid be quickly quelled bae the officers who
patrolled the periphery and
movement/marchin/shufflin continued.
"LEFT..!
LEFT..! LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT!"
An officer wid shout out the step. A futile
exercise as wae aw shuffled, tripped, cursed
an swung oor erms aboot lik eejits as wae
sloshed through the puddles.
The bonn wid strike up. Tae be ferr, quite a
few eh thim played thir instruments no to bad.
Aw the notes wirr ther - jist no necessarily
in the right order! An some seemed tae be
playin a different tune awthigither! The only
wan thit seemed consistent wis the guy oan the
big drum. He hid it sussed. Ah reckon ah could
hiv played the big drum but ah couldnae lift
it, let alane walk an play it aht the same
time! If the Guides wid hiv hid a bonn, Big
Deirdre wid hiv been thir big drummer, wae aw
agreed oan that!
Up
aheid we could see the flags wavin. Well, no
sah much wavin as... takin aff! People don't
realise how unwieldy thae flags an poles urr!
An when ye get a force 10 behin ye yir likely
tae be jist a passenger!. The only wan thit
remained upright throughoot the merch wis Big
Deirdres'. She wis sum lassie ah'll tell ye.
Respect.
Eventually we aw filed intae the church an
sanctuary! Oot the wind an the rain. Drippin
oan the carpet an wipin wirr noses oan wir
sleeves. As we filed doon the aisles ther wid
be squabbles brekkin oot as some guys tried
tae get closer tae the Guides. A think some
guys wid hiv pit in furr transfers if thae
thoat thaed get away wae it! Bit the officers
oan baith sides pit a stoap tae any
shenanigans.
Afore
the service stertit, the colours wid be
merched doon tae the front eh the church. Each
colour party wid proudly merch thir flags doon
the centre aisle and place the poles in
hauders in front eh the pulpit. Oor guys bae
this time wirr nackirt. They staggered doon
that aisle, knees bucklin, flagpoles swingin
aboot erratically, nearly takin the minister's
eye oot at wan point.
But the star eh the show wis always Deirdre.
She strutted doon the aisle, flagpole straight
up in the err, tae calls of "Aun yirsel hen!"
an "That's the wae tae dae it!"
The
worst bit eh the service furr me wis aye the
singin. It's no that ah didnae try in the
early days. But when ah stertit tae make
'singin' noises wae mah mooth, evrybiddy turnt
roon tae look an giggle or sneer! Ah soon
realised that ah couldnae sing an thit ah wis
pittin evrybiddy else aff, includin the
minister. So a stertit tae mime, an fund aht
worked better. Even tae this day, in the rerr
(rare) occasion a find mahsell in a church, ah
mime. Naebiddy notices. In fact - ah don't
hink ah'm the only wan thit dis it!!!
The
great thing aboot the church service wis that
ye wirr in oot the cauld an rain, but the time
came when ye hid tae face the elements again.
So ootside wae went, to an assembly point roon
the coarner, an the whole process sterted
ower.
The
merch wis shoarter this time, the main purpose
bein the 'Marchpast'. This involved the whole
throng merching past the front eh the church
and 'saluting' the minister an eez entourage
who'd be lined up on the pavement. Noo here's
a strange thing, the rain ALWAYS stoaped when
the minister stepped oot that church!
He'd be staunin ther, robes blawin in the
wind, as we merched/shuffled/squelched towards
the church. As the front eh the column drew
level wae the holy man, the Captain wid salute
an scream.
"EYES
RIGHT!" (unless the minister was on the left
of course!)
An we wid aw turn wir heids an look tae wir
right. (Except furr the wans that thoat thir
right wiz oan thir left.
They endit up lookin the wrang wae!)
Of course aw this meant we couldnae see wher
wae wirr gaun and we enditt up, bumpin intae
each ither, walkin up each ither's heels an
generally the whole column gaun past the
minister like a drunken centipede!
As soon as we wirr past the church, the rain
wid stert again an thoughts turnt tae hame,
easter eggs, an a shoap tae spend the
collection money!
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