Glesca stories18

Glesca Stories for Adults only if under 18 please close your eyes.

( aye aye )

A Glasgow working chap, after many years of saving, treated his wife on their 25th anniversary to a cruise on the QE2. After a few days at sea his wife, who was thoroughly enjoying the generous amounts of food and drink, met a more affluent woman on deck. They began talking and the Glasgow woman excitedly explained how this was her maiden voyage. The elderly woman said she was a regular traveller. She explained: 'my husband works for Cunard'. Slightly miffed, the Glasgow woman replied 'Aye hen, ma' man works f***in hard, as well'.

A wee Glesca woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal, and asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "ah'm his Granny, but I'm glad I came!"

GLOVE STORY
A young man wanted to buy a present for his girlfriend's birthday and as they hadny been winching long he decided after careful consideration, that a pair of gloves would be nice, thoughtful but not too personal.
Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister he went to Debenhams and bought a dainty pair of white gloves.
The sister purchased a pair of pants for her self at the same time. During the wrapping, the shop assistant mixed up the items, the sister got the gloves and the young man got the panties.
Without checking the contents the man sent the parcel to his girlfriend with the following note....
Dear Hazel,
I chose these because I noticed that you were not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evenings.
If it had not been for your sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, the shop assistant that I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.
I had her try yours on for me, and although they were a little tight they looked really smart.
She told me that the material helps keep her ring clean and shiny, in fact she hasn't had to wash it since she began wearing them.
I wish I could put them on for you as, no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have the chance to see you again. Just think how many times my lips will kiss them in the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
When you take them off, remember to blow into them before putting them away
as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
All my love Harry.
P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing

Married to a sex maniac? click

I can remember my hubby and I and a couple of friends coming home from a night out and stopping of at a well known chinese takeaway at Parkhead Cross for a carry out. While standing outside waiting, two guys came out and one let out an almighty fart and quickly my hubby replied "ok pal yur horn is wurkin hiv yae tried yer lights?" we nearly ended our self laughing and so did the two guys. (Sally Wallace)

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identity tartans, it's easy.....look under the kilt.
If its a quarter pounder its a McDonalds!

Tunnocks Teacakes everybody's favourites

The wee Glesca couple just married when the boy turns roon tae his bride an' admits that he doesny
know how tae dae 'it'. Ne'er dae ah says his bride.
Right we'll go tae the doctors on Monday....he'll keep us right.
Monday at the Doctor's: "Well doctor wur jist merried an' wi don't know whit we dae. Kin ye help us?" "Aye nae bother son. Right hen strip aff an' lie on mah couch" The newly wed does as she is told. "Okay son watch me ....." The doctor has sex with the bride.
"Right son thats whit ye dae, she'll need that 2 or 3 times a week, any questions?"
"Aye doctor................whit nights suit ye!"

Young Brigton boy first time abroad decides tae visit a brothel.
"Hullo hullo madam I am frae Glesca and ah want tae hiv sex wi' wan o' yer lassies the Brigton way!" "I have heard of zee French way and the American way, but never the Brigton Way"
At that moment a young prostitute looks round and says "Madam I know the Brigton way"
So off they go upstairs. Once in the room the girl confesses she doesn't know the Brigton Way but if you show me..I will pay you, she says. " Och that is the Brigton Way, hen"

Winching in 1960s
It's the Spring of 1962 and wee Rab goes to pick up his new girlfriend, Peggy.
Rab's a wee hip guy with his own pushbike and a ducktail hairdo.
When he goes to the front door, Peggy's father answers and invites him in.
'Peggy’s no’ready yet, so hiv a seat' he says.
'That's cool' says Rab. Peggy’s father asks Rab what they are planning to do.
Rab replies politely that they will probably just go for a wee walk in the park or maybe the pictures.
Peggy's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to wee Rab and he says "Whaaaat?"
"Aye," says Peggy's father, 'Peggy really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her.'
Well wee Rab’s eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear.
Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later,
Peggy comes downstairs in her little poodle with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Rab escorts his burd out the front door while her Da is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy rushes back into
the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father:
'DAMMIT DA! THE TWIST!!!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!!