The typical Englishman finishes his breakfast of toast
MARMALADE invented by Mrs. Keiller of Dundee,
Scotland, and slips into his
RAINCOAT patented by Charles Macintosh from
Glasgow , Scotland. He walks to his
office along an English lane which is surfaced by
TARMAC, invented by John Loudam Macadam of Ayr,
Scotland or drives his car which is fitted with
PNEUMATIC TYRES patented by John Boyd Dunlop, of
Before he acquired a car he used to travel to his office by train which
was powered by a
STEAM ENGINE invented by James Watt of Greenock,
In his office he deals with the mail bearing
ADHESIVE STAMPS invented by John Chalmers, of
Dundee, Scotland, and makes frequent use of the
TELEPHONE invented by Alexander Graham Bell,
born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
At home in the evening he dines on his favourite traditional
ROAST BEEF from Aberdeen Angus, raised in Aberdeenshire, Scotland -
and then watches an item on the
TELEVISION - an invention of John Logie Baird,
of Helensburgh, Scotland - about
JOHN PAUL JONES, father of the United States Navy, born in Kirkbean,
His son prefers to read
TREASURE ISLAND written by Robert Louis
Stevenson, born in Edinburgh, Scotland, whilst his daughter plays
in the garden on her
BICYCLE, an invention of Kirkpatrick Macmillan,
of Thornhill, Scotland.
It is impossible for an Englishman to escape the ingenuity of the Scots
! In desperation he turns to the BIBLE only to find that the
first person mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI, who
authorises its transaction.
He could of course, take to drink, but Scotland makes the finest
WHISKY in the world. Nearing the end of his tether he could uplift a
rifle to end it all, but the BREECH-LOADING RIFLE was invented by Captain
Patrick Ferguson, of Pitfours, of Scotland.
Anyway if he escaped death he could find himself being injected with
PENICILLIN, discovered by Sir Alexander Flemming,
bacteriologist, of Darvel, Scotland, or given CHLOROFORM, an
anaesthetic first used by Sir James Young Simpson,
of Bathgate, Scotland. Out of the anaesthetic his mood would not
improve if the surgeon told him that he was safe as
THE BANK OF ENGLAND, which was founded by William
Paterson, of Dumfries, Scotland.
Perhaps, in order to get some peace , he should request a transfusion of
guid Scottish blood so that he too would be entitled to ask -
"Wha's like us ? Damn few and therr a' Deid"..